Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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