I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
