I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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