I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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