I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
