Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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