She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
