allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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