She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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