the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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