the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
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