I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
that may or may not have been my penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
