can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Michael Bay diarrhea
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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