I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
