no one should ever give us hovercrafts
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
