turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
