Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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