I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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