i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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