I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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