omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
