If i come over, it means nothing
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
