Non-Jews are for practice
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
