we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
