Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
