Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
