you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
