you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
