"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize