Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
