some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
