the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
