wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
