I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
