I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
