i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
