Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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