I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
