remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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