is your mom at the bar?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Even my vagina gasped.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You are a genius and a whore.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
