Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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