Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He felt like a one man threesome
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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