Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
