My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
