I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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