She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize