There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Of course I have a pirate flag
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
