By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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