eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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