is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize