so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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