found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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