tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
