can we get nightvision for the apartment?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
