when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
