take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
