3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
