he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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