i think my mom watched the whole time
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
