I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
