and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
only you would photoshop your dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
