So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize