is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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