C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
