so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize