The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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