went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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