p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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