someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
