I'm going to rape someone's good day.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
