i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
