Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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