I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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