I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
